Category Archives: Relationship

Can Someone Push Other People Away If They Are Needy

When one goes on a date, it is going to be important for them to make sure that they look right. This is not to say that they will need to spend hours on their appearance before they go out; what it comes down to is that it won’t be a good idea for them to overlook how they look.

In addition to what they wear, there can be what perfume they will decide to use and what they will do with their hair. If they are a woman, for instance, they are likely to be able to do far more with their hair than if they were a man.

Emotional State

During this time, one could feel comfortable, and they might not even think about what will happen with the other person. There is the chance that they have a lot going in their life, and this could cause them to see this as just another moment in their life.

Through being this way, there is going to be no reason for them to come on too strong when they meet the other person. One will be able to be themselves, and this means that they will be in touch with their true-self.

The Next Step

When they get together, one could find that they are just as they imagined, and this could then result in them having a good time. One could be attracted to how they look, and their personality could also pull them in.

This could show that the other person is responding to them in a positive manner, and this can mean that the attraction is mutual. As a result of this, there is the chance that they will end up getting together again.

Back to Reality

However, no matter how one felt when they were with them, it doesn’t mean that they won’t be able to focus on the rest of their life. They might think about them from time to time, but their attention is likely to be on their other priorities.

It could be said that this is the right approach to have; especially as they might not feel the same way when they meet them again. There is also the chance that something will happen and this may mean that they won’t even see them again.

Another Outcome

Alternatively, one could go on a date and find that they don’t have a connection with the other person. For one reason or another, how they felt before will have disappeared, and they might want to get away.

So even if the other person is interested in them, it is not going to have much of an effect on them. Or, if they are not interested in them, it might be a lot easier for one to walk away from the other person.

Two Experiences

If one is not attracted to the other person but they are attracted to them, it could mean that one will hear from them afterwards. One could then tell them that they are not interested, or they could simply ignore them.

Yet if both of them felt the same way, there will be no reason for one to hear from them again. As they didn’t have a connection with them, they could end up feeling as though they have wasted their time.

A Cell Phone Contract with Your Child

Cell phones are part of kids’ lives. That’s just how it is. Of course, not every parent allows mobile phone use. But, the trend towards having tech-savvy children is on a definite upwards swing. Roughly three-fourths of kids, 13- through 17-years, either have or have access to a smartphone, according to the Pew Research Center. If your child is going to have a cell phone, then you need a contract. Why? Most simply stated – so that your child knows, and agrees to follow, the rules.

Usage

This is the section where you agree how much, when and where your child can use their cell. Get specific, writing the number of hours (or hours and minutes) that your child is allowed to use the phone per day. Include the times of day that your child can use the phone (such as “only after school”) and when they have to turn it off by (how many hours before bedtime is cut-off time?). You can get even more detailed and add places that cell phone use is prohibited, such as at the dinner table or in grandma’s house.

Privacy

You want to keep your child safe from online predators. With that in mind, you’re all about social media and Internet privacy. It’s likely that your child will use (or eventually use) their phone to connect with friends on Facebook, tweet on Twitter or play group games. Set clear standards for what your child can, and can’t, share. This should include information such as their name (first, last, neither, one or the other both), birthday (date, month, year), location, school, photos and anything else you consider “private” or identifying.

Permissions

From the cell phone lock to your child’s email account, it’s likely that the mobile has more than enough passwords and passcodes on it. Depending on your own views of personal privacy and supervision, you may want access to some of those (or all of them). Clarify what you have permission to know and use.

Data

Maybe you have an unlimited data plan. Great! This really doesn’t need to become part of your child’s cell phone contract. But, if you don’t have a completely unlimited plan, the contract can specify allowable data usage. Let’s say your child uses their smartphone to download videos from YouTube. There’s a lot of data usage going on. Outline the amount of data your child may use (or, if it’s easier or your child to understand, the amount of time that they can spend online or texts and emails that they can send).

Places

Smartphones bring the Internet into your child’s hands. The cell phone contract needs to spell out what okay Internet use is. Specify websites that are allowed and the types of social media your child can use. This should look like the rules you have for the home computer or tablet. If you don’t want your child using the cell phone for anything other than making calls, add in a “no online use” policy for everyone to sign off on.

Consequences

Even though your child is signing off on the rules, it’s always possible that they’ll break them. This is where the consequences come in. Agree on realistic and meaningful consequences for each type of infraction. Now your child knows what happens if the contract is broken in any way. Having a phone is a privilege, and not a right. Your child needs to know that while she might want the cell phone, she doesn’t need one. If she can’t follow the rules, you have the ability (per the contract) to take it away.

Do You Need a Wedding Planner

Now that you have found a perfect life partner, it is time for the celebrations to begin! A wedding isn’t a simple event that can be done in one single day. It requires meticulous planning which means you need to allot a lot of time for it. Well, speaking about time, that is one thing that most people lack today. A busy and thriving career coupled with other important daily tasks will leave you exhausted at the end of the day. So, where would you find time to prepare for the wedding? Then, the right thing to do is to engage a wedding planner.

Why do you need a wedding planner? The answers are here!

Nobody to help

Do have a whole bunch of family and friends to help you? No? Then, don’t waste time thinking how to go about with your wedding when you have no volunteers to take up the tasks.

Save money

Save money! Yes, you read it right! Did you know that hiring an event planner could actually save you a lot of money? Want to know how? Here it is. They work in close tandem with the vendors that would be supplying decorations, flowers, food, and other stuff. They have a strong working relationship with these vendors and therefore can negotiate great bargains. With huge discounts, the wedding parties can save a lot of money. If you reside in Chennai or nearby, then talk to a wedding planner in Chennai right away and steer clear of all the doubts you may have.

Stress-free

Arranging for a wedding can be very stressful; especially if you need to do everything yourself. Well, not when you have wedding planner in place. Every little detail will be taken care of. All you need to do is allot time for the discussions so that planners would get an idea about your vision and how to bring it to life.

Tight budget

Working on tight budget and feel that you can’t afford an event planner? Worried that things may not work as you want it to? No worries, as most wedding planners in Chennai have smaller packages that can accommodate every client.

Hiring a wedding planner isn’t a luxury

Do you feel that hiring a wedding planner is a luxury? Not anymore! It is fast turning out to be essential for every wedding. Do not think twice about spending on a wedding planner because it is going to make your big day a grand success!

Does The Fear Of Being Harmed

Even though everyone has needs, it doesn’t mean that everyone feels comfortable with their needs. There are going to be people who pay attention to their needs, and this means that they will do what they can to meet them.

On the other hand, there are going to be others who ignore their needs, and this is going to make it hard for them to get them met. And when one can embrace their needs, it is naturally going to have a positive effect on their life.

Black and White

However, when one takes care of their needs, they can end up being seen as ‘selfish’; whereas if they were to focus on other people’s needs, they can be seen as ‘selfless’. Based on this, if one is there for themselves they are a bad person, but if they ignore themselves, they are a good person.

In reality, it is not this simply, and this is because one can be there for themselves and they can be there for others. Through taking care of their needs, it will give them the energy to be there for others.

Point of Focus

For example, if one wanted to give food to someone else, they would have to have food to begin with. If they didn’t have anything, it wouldn’t be possible for them to give anything to anyone else.

In the same way, when one takes care of their own needs before they help others, they will be living their life in the right way. The alternative would be for one to ignore their needs and to be there for others.

Out of Balance

There could be moments when one is able to help another person through doing this, but they are also going to be ignoring themselves in the process. Therefore, it could be said that one will be fixing one problem by creating another.

What this comes down to is that one doesn’t have enough to give, and that is why they will end up paying the price. It would be the same as one giving their lunch money to someone else; this will allow someone else to eat, but it will also cause them to go hungry.

One Thing at a Time

On the other hand, if one was to make sure their needs are taken care of and then they were to be there for others, this won’t need to take place. They will have plenty to give, and this will stop them from having to harm themselves in the process.

This will then allow one to actually make a difference, instead of one behaving in a way that causes them to be another person in the world who is running on empty. Along with this, it can be a lot easier for one to assist others in the right way.

Part of the Problem

As if one was to spend a lot of time trying to help others, they might be doing more harm than good. Instead of giving them the assistance that they need to change their circumstances, they might be keeping them in the same position.

One is then enabling their behaviour, and they could find that the other person’s life ends up becoming even worse. Yet, if one is completely focused on their life, it could stop them from being able to see how much damage is being done.

The easy to your banquet hall

1. Get a headcount
Headcounts are important to have, from the starting point. It would all depend on the crowd and who you want the transport for. This is why, when you send out the invites, ask your attendees to confirm if they want to be picked and dropped.

2. Manage the out-of-towners
From day one, you would have guests and relatives and friends pouring in to help with the wedding and to attend it, from out of town. They would or wouldn’t know the city or town too well, which is why, it would be up to you to handle transportation for them. Right from picking them up from the airport or train stations or the bus depots, to bringing them to the wedding venue.

3.Advance booking saves the day
A good one month in hand is what you need to have when booking for wedding transportation, especially during the wedding season. Formal vehicles such as cars, and buses would always be in high demand.

4. Communication is the key
You need to get your word out to the attendees to let them know how they would be picked up and where or when. Spread the word through email and The not-so-tech-savvy folks attending your wedding, should be called the night before and all details of the transportation should be given.

5. A bridal party ride
This is especially for the hard-working souls behind your wedding- the bridesmaids and the groomsmen that need a break. Arrange for a bridal ride that would take them around town, to a party or for a night out on a spin. This helps them unwind and relax through all the rigmarole that is happening.

6. Never leave anyone stranded
Have someone to check, double check and to cross check with the attendees and the car or the bus company if all are picked up and on time. Never leave anyone stranded.

7.Ask your friends for help
Always ask your friends to be ready with their own personal vehicles to help ferry attendees to and from the venue. A backup plan for last minute arrivals can be a breather.

True Love and Metaphorical Love

It is a famous saying of Ashfaq Ahmad that if a person kills his ego in front of one person then he has metaphorical love for that person but if he kills his ego in front of everyone, then it is a true state of love for God. Here the metaphorical love is defined as the worldly love that a person holds for his blood relations and for those people who are close to his heart. This kind of love stays in the world and does not create any spiritual bonding with the Lord. This kind of love is often two sided and is based on many benefits that a person may demand from the other. It can also last for a limited time, based on the expectations of both parties. Many poets have beautifully explained this love through their poetry and some of them have also declared that love as a false and fake love that is selfish and last for a short time period.

On the other hand, the true love for God remains eternaland immortal. The famous poetry of Bulleh Shah is full of the thoughts of spiritual things. According to a famous verse of Bulleh Shah, it is easy to make your God happy by singing just two songs but in order to make your loved one happy, you have to keep dancing all night. This shows how hard it is to please the creations of Allah Almighty and how easy it is to make our God happy by simply going in Sajda and crying for mercy. Allah always listen to the true prayers of a man this strong bonding between a person and his Creator shows the eternal example of Sufism.

Many examples of true love can be seen in our day to day life. When a pilgrim is standing in front of the Kaaba and seeking for mercy from Allah Almighty, then that true love of God can be seen in his eyes which is free from any fakeness of the world. For the convenience, the respected pilgrims have been seen taking the Packages in Ramadan Umrah 2017 London For Muslims.This true and pure form of love for God is also known as Ishq-e-Haqeeqi. This is the most sacred form of love that a person can have for his Lord. When you pray five times a day and bow down in Sajdah without any hypocrisy in your heart, then no other love of this world can match with this form of love.

Rice Purity Test

Over the last couple of years, less than a decade, rice purity test has taken the world by storm. Human being is known to be very adventurous and as you try out things, you grow to be less pure according to the rice purity test. Rice purity test basically is a test that asks very private and confidential questions especially revolving around sexuality just to see how much of life’s adventures you have taken.

They are usually 100 questions that need to be answered. To ensure that the participant is as honest as possible, the test is anonymous and you can only share your score with your friends but they cannot know what questions you answered. These questions have two answers. That is, yes or no. it is a fun test and you are able to gauge how pure you are and whether it is in line with your age.

The level of purity is gauged by the percentage you have. At 100% you are considered as pure as snow and as the number goes down, you are not pure at all. It is very hard to get a person at 100% because we are all human and somehow, there are things we have tried out, whether privately or publicly. Although the questions are more or less related, they vary from one researcher to another. It goes without saying that for those people with a high percentage, say 100% they are very likely to have boring lifestyles. A biggest percentage falls between 76-45%. In this category, you have tried many things but you have as well had self-control on some things that you would not try.

As much as its fun, these questions may vary from common things in the society, such as holding hands romantically, to the things that would be considered as insane in the society such as practicing bestiality. It is the sensitivity of the questions that make it to be anonymous thus enabling the participant to be as honest as possible. The main purpose this test was to have a track of someone’s maturity over the years but it has been seen as a way of knowing how kinky you are especially if compared with your circle of friends.

Hide Your True

If one was to think about their career, they may find that they do something that really matters to them. And if they were to think about what their relationships are like, they may also find that this area of their life is just as fulfilling.

It could be said that this will be the ideal scenario, as one is likely to feel as though they are on the right track in life. However, if only one of these areas was going to plan, their life wouldn’t be the same.

Out of Balance

One could have a fulfilling career but they could find that their relationships are not very fulfilling. This is then likely to mean that they work more than they should, and that they won’t have anyone to share their life with.

The reason they can work harder is because this can be a way for them to avoid how they feel, and there is the chance that one is used to feeling lonely and disconnected. The support, validation, and care, amongst other things, that other people would provide is not going to be available.

Missing Out

There could be people who see them as being extremely successful, and they could even look up to them. But beyond what they have achieved, there is likely to be the sense that something is missing.

The pain that is within them might have a played a big part in how far they have been able to go in this area of their life. So although they are doing well in this area in their life, they are going to want to have people in their life that they can connect with.

The Other Way

On the other hand, one could have people who they are close to, but their career could be going in the wrong direction. In fact, this area of their life could something that they have overlooked for a long time.

One is then going to have a number of people around them who care about them, but they will feel as though something is missing. Something within them will have the need to be heard, and until they are able to listen to this part of themselves, they will continue to suffer.

Conflict

Even so, one could believe that they should be happy with how their life is, and that they shouldn’t expect to have all of their needs met. If something like this is taking place within them, it will be vital for them to look into why they believe this.

As there is going to be no reason why they shouldn’t have close friends and a fulfilling career. And if one does have a fulfilling career, there is going to be no reason why they can’t have fulfilling relationships.

ry To Change Others When They Feel Worthless

If one was to think about the people who they spend time with, they may find that they feel comfortable in their presence. What this could show is that these people accept them as they are.

Acceptance

There is then going to be no reason for one to feel as though they need to put on an act. As a result of this, one is going to feel good when they are around them, and they will feel good when their time together comes to an end.

To have these kinds of people in their life is naturally going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing. The feedback that they get from them will nourish their self-esteem, and it will then be a lot easier for them to achieve their goals.

The Right Nutrients

Therefore, in the same way that eating the right food will allow one’s body to function in the right way, being around the right people will make it easier for them to be at their best. If, on the other hand, one was their own island, it wouldn’t matter who they had around them.

But as one is an interdependent human being, this is not something that can be overlooked. When it comes to how one sees themselves, the people they spend time will play a big part.

An Important Area

However, even though the people that one surrounds themselves with play a big part in their life, it doesn’t mean that this is something that receives the attention it deserves. For example, it is not common for the mainstream media to talk about how important it is to eat the right food.

What this source is unlikely to talk about is how important it is to spend time around the right people. If one was to spend time around the wrong people, it might not matter what they eat.

Undermined

When one has people around them who accept them, this could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember. If they were to come cross someone who doesn’t experience life in this way, they might wonder what is going on.

If they know them, they could ask them why they don’t find people who will treat them better. The other person could listen to what they have to say, or it could end up going over their head.

Triggered and What You Can Do

Getting your “buttons” pushed or getting “triggered” is an opportunity to heal and grow. The more hurts we’ve endured and the weaker our boundaries, the more reactive we are to people and events. Our triggers – our buttons – are our wounds. Codependents are off the charts when it comes to reacting to others’ feelings, needs, problems, opinions, wants, and more. When we react, we permit our insides to be taken over by someone or something outside of us. There’s no filter or boundary. We’re pulled off center and might start thinking about that person or about what might happen in the future. Negative reactions easily escalate hurt feelings and conflict. Often, however, we’re really reacting to someone from our past.

A wise, apropos Al-Anon slogan is “Q-Tip,” – “Quit Taking It Personally.” Interpreting someone else’s words or actions to be a comment about us is taking another person’s feelings personally. We might react with guilt or defensiveness, because we assume we’re the cause of someone else’s negative emotion or problem. We have just taken on the other person’s problem or shame when they shame or blame us. Our peace of mind and self-esteem now resides with someone else.

Defining Triggers

What we react to – our “triggers”– are unique to our personality and individual history. Think of triggers as wounds – often from past trauma. When we’re triggered, we’re re-experiencing a past injury in present time – similar to a post-traumatic stress reaction. It’s reopening a painful wound that hasn’t had a chance to heal. A sign of being triggered is when our reaction is disproportionate to the present event or not reasonably related to the actual present facts.

Internal Triggers
Primary triggers are internal, dysfunctional personal beliefs that we learned in childhood. We can trigger ourselves into feeling ashamed if we don’t measure up to standards we’ve adopted for ourselves. We can easily activate our inner critic to ruin our day or our life! Do the steps in 10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism to quiet your critic and overcome the “tyranny of the should’s.” An example is the belief that we should self-sacrifice for other people. Codependents generally deny or devalue their needs. Given this belief, it thus makes sense to put the needs of others first and feel guilty or ashamed not to. Someone asking for help would thus trigger our automatic offer of assistance, even when that could harm ourselves or be counterproductive to the person asking.

Shame-based beliefs about ourselves can make us vulnerable to being triggered by the words and behavior of others. When we’re criticized, whether or not it’s intentional, we can easily surrender our self-esteem and sense of well-being. A common trigger for codependents is being told they’re “too sensitive,” or “selfish.” Frequently, their parents dismissed their feelings or needs with these shaming labels. However, labels stick, despite the fact that they were said by an insensitive or selfish parent. We can grow up feeling branded for life, even though the judgments were untrue.

External Triggers and Overreactions
In some cases, triggers are signs of danger that preceded an earlier wound. We learned to react to them in order be safe and loved. Sometimes these warnings are helpful, but when applied automatically to a different situation, our reactions can be dysfunctional. This is particularly true when we overreact. Overreactions occur when the intensity and duration of our feelings and/or behavior are disproportionately greater than normal under the present circumstances. We overreact when we’re reminded of an experience we’ve had with someone or something important in our past. They may be hard to recognize in ourselves because we believe our perceptions are accurate, but they’re easy to identify in others. For instance, when a hypervigilant war veteran draws his gun upon hearing the walls creak at night – his behavior is appropriate in a war zone, but not when he’s safe at home.

Similarly, we might appropriately slow down if we see a police car to avoid a speeding ticket, but if our past experience with the police has endangered us or a loved to us, we might attempt to flee, drawing the police’s attention and leading to a serious conviction for reckless driving. An overreaction can bring about exactly what we’re attempting to avoid.